Meaning: Where Order and Chaos Meet

Few consider themselves strangers to suffering. Recently, I faced inner pain that brought me to my knees. I know the things I face pale in comparison to what millions have experienced around the world and across history. But it is not always helpful to compare pain, which impacts deeply, regardless of its extent and severity.

A Dash From Pain

In so many places, life seems to be both a desperate dash from pain and a quest for meaning. We often see the two as complete opposites, but I have come to believe that painful chaos can meet ordered truth to reveal the beauty of meaning. Since meaning is so universally pursued, but far less often experienced, I intend to explore the intersection of pain and truth in this essay. The analogies and word pictures I use are incomplete at best, but I believe they convey timeless truths.

What would a world without pain be like? Would it be the ultimate utopia? Millions of people have experienced life without physical pain—in leprosy colonies. But instead of bliss, they lived a horrifying life filled with hidden dangers. Because leprosy had destroyed their nerves, leprosy patients lost all sensation. Not being able to feel pain, they did not tend their wounds, which grew into ulcers, infection, and eventually rotting bone. Bruises, sprains, and strains gradually broke down the body.

In the twentieth century, leprosy doctor Paul Brand wrote, “Most of us will one day face severe pain. I am convinced that the attitude we cultivate in advance may well determine how suffering will affect us when it does strike.” [i] Many people in third-world countries such as India live a life of deprivation and suffering. Although they are well acquainted with pain, they accept it with calm dignity. In contrast, we Westerners live in great comfort. Often, we are traumatized by pain and seek to avoid it at all costs. This approach has been unhelpful. Brand writes, “Our skill at silencing pain has brought about a kind of cultural atrophy in our overall ability to cope with it” [ii]

People who view pain as an enemy often respond with vengeance or bitterness. This intensifies it. In contrast, those who are grateful for pain cope far better. Pain is a loyal messenger, alerting to some danger. Next time you feel pain, listen to what it is telling you before trying to alleviate it. A headache might mean you need more sleep or water. Stiff joints mean you should start daily stretches. A hurting shoulder is calling for rest. Most irritating bodily activities protects the body. If we silence pain, we might harm ourselves.

Pain is more of a perception in the brain than a sensation in the body. Pleasure and pain often have similar or identical sources but are interpreted differently by the mind. For example, a bitter salty brine can taste delectable to a severely dehydrated person. Pleasure and pain are not opposites as much as we Westerners think. The two often work together to create a rich life experience. Children who grow up in the hardships of a primitive wilderness settings often connect deeply with nature and life. Childhood struggles create a rich kaleidoscope of memories. The loss of a loved one draws a family together. Vicious storms and painful climbs enrich wilderness trips. Unsuspected blessings are found outside the comfort zone, sometimes in the pain zone. This is different from masochism.

In a similar way, emotional pain also serves a purpose. It tells us that all is not as it should be—that something is wrong and needs healing. Deep pain leads to deep thirst—longings for eternity and the restoration of all things. But many of us do not recognize these longings. We try to hide our groaning souls behind walls of self-protection. We dull our pain with busyness and distractions. We turn pain into anger by lashing out or growing bitter. We engage in addictive behaviors to sedate pain or deny it with an unrealistic positive mental attitude. We rarely recognize our painful longings, but we all experience them. None of us remain unchanged.

As Christians, we often try to relieve pain through spiritual methods. Sometimes we focus on doing religious duties better, while other times we try to depend on a special healing work of the Holy Spirit. We try to focus on God and forget ourselves. But none of these approaches require us to look deep, to face our longings and sinfulness at the core. Neither a stoic denial of desires nor a manipulative approach to Christianity will bring meaning to our pain.

From Order to Chaos

Order is good, intrinsic in God’s creation from the new to old, the complex to the simple, and the macro to the micro. Order is beauty’s foundation, essential to the mathematics, physics, and chemistry that undergird it. Before God formed the cosmos, they existed only in chaos. But with the eternal cry, “Let there be light,” the formless matter organized under light’s irresistible energy. [iii] When God finished, everything revolved in perfect harmony, order, and beauty. Meaning filled creation.

Then, through Adam and Eve’s rebellion, chaos erupted in humanity and spilled over into the entire creation. Entropy established itself, and order and beauty devolved tragically. Thorny plants pierced the feet of those not watching where they walked. Luscious greenery withered, sometimes for inexplicable reasons. Saber-toothed tigers turned their fangs on creatures it used to cuddle. But the most heartbreaking chaos erupted in human hearts. People made in the image of God degenerated into the images of beasts and demons. Unrestrained sexual urges threw innocent victims into complex trauma. Selfish manipulation dominated relationships, instead of intimate love. Men turned their farming instruments on each other and invented increasingly deadly weapons. Peace disappeared, beauty broke, and meaning hid. The ensuing chaos leaves an overwhelming ache in our souls. “Why?” we ask, with few good answers.

Pursuing Meaning

It is very tempting to alleviate our aching souls by dishonest optimism, by attempting to manufacture peace and beauty. We tell ourselves that everything is okay. We do our best to overcome our struggles and restore equilibrium. We call it, “The pursuit of happiness.” The one thing few of us do is to face our pain and listen to what it is telling us. In our desperate grasping for happiness, for beauty, for meaning, we find it just out of reach.

I want to suggest that beauty is not found by pursuing it, but by facing the truth. As physical light ordered the chaotic, formless matter in the dawn of time, so spiritual light must once more order our chaotic hearts. Here we find hope. Speaking about Logos, the Son of God and Creator of everything, the apostle John wrote,

In him was life, and that life was the light of men. That light shines in the darkness, and yet the darkness did not overcome it. . .  The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. (John 1:9 CSB).

Facing the Chaos

This light emanates to every person from the very life of God, and its divine nature exposes who we are us. It calls us to an honest recognition of our pain, brokenness, and sin. It enables us to face ourselves.

I’m believe in beauty, healing, and joy. But we find this in the truth, in the light. Rather than denying, avoiding, or sedating our pain, brokenness, and sinfulness, we should face it. Feel it. Experience it. Ask the tough questions that that confuse us and do not explain them away with easy answers. Explore our relational imperfections until we experience deep disappointment and are convicted of our sinfulness. Instead of escaping conviction by just trying harder to do the right things, we should open ourselves to the light and see ourselves. This will create a thirst that only God can satisfy.

I have come to believe that when we experience pain, our focus should not be relieving it. We are born into a warzone, battling entropy, the flesh, and the powers of darkness. Pain will be our companion until the day God makes everything new. Rather than seeking personal happiness, we should focus on finding meaning in the pain that God gives us. Our pain will vanish in the splendor of the re-created cosmos, but the meaning God gives us will endure forever.

Man’s Search for Meaning

Victor Frankl faced more than the average share of suffering. After only nine months of marriage, he lost his wife, father, mother, and brother in the Nazi concentration camps. He watched his fellow inmates curl up in the smoke of Auschwitz’s ovens. The Holocaust destroyed his dignity and nearly his humanity. Recently, I read his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, and was struck by where he found meaning. Frankl found meaning in: (1) creativity or action; (2) experiencing truth and beauty or loving someone; (3) our attitude toward unavoidable suffering. On the third point, he writes

“There is also purpose in that life which is almost barren of both creation and enjoyment and which admits of but one possibility of high moral behavior: namely, in man’s attitude to his existence. . . If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity—even under the most difficult circumstances—to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified, and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not.” [iv]

It’s okay to desire, and it’s okay to hurt from unfulfilled desires. It’s okay to be broken, and it’s okay to show it. Some people might reject our honest vulnerability, but they are not true friends. When we embrace this, we might not be delivered from pain, but we can learn to love. And in this love, we discover meaning.

Patience Through Perseverance

When our friends face pain, we should not try to fix it quickly. Rather, we should let them face their pain. And we should face it with them. We should weep with those who weep. Our presence means far more than our answers.

It’s also okay to have unanswered questions. Saints throughout millennia have grappled with questions of meaning and suffering, and their quest for truth was a lifelong process, not a quick-fix answer from a book or podcast. Some have lived in the tension of suffering, in the “dark night of the soul,” much of their lives. But I am confident they fell at their feet in weeping worship as they met their Savior face to face for the first time. Then, all their dreams and longings were fulfilled in the deepest ways possible. Their sufferings suddenly made sense. And their divine bridegroom wiped all tears away from their faces as they entered an eternity of exultation.

In conclusion, I want to leave you with a quote from Larry Crabb. “The path to maturity requires a commitment to replace false certainty, pretended satisfaction, and smug spirituality with disturbing levels of confusion, disappointment, and conviction, which in turn create the opportunity to develop faith, hope, and love. And joy.” [v]

So, let’s take courage and look up because the future will get better. “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up” (Galatians 6:9 CSB). In the meantime, face the chaos and pursue the divine order. It doesn’t have to make sense, but the resulting growth will transcend explanation. Pain is chaos and truth is order. But meaning faces both and leads us to hope and into the eternal sunshine.

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[i] Paul Brand, The Gift of Pain, (Zondervan, 1997), p. 12

[ii] Brand, p. 232

[iii] Light is a considered a weightless particle, the photon, when interacting with matter, and an electromagnetic wave when moving through space. The waves of the electromagnetic spectrum are a foundation of the universe. Without them, matter would not be ordered as it is.

[iv] Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, (Beacon Press, 1959, 1962, 1984, 1992, 2006), pp. 67-68

[v] Larry Crabb, Inside Out, (NavPress Publishing Group, 1998), p. 244